“When they’re arguing, they bring several grievances into the conversation, without letting you address them one at a time.”
There’s a term for this very specific type of gaslighting: the Gish gallop. They overwhelm you with a barrage of claims, each one of which would take 10 minutes to dispute individually. If you don’t respond to each claim, because you couldn’t remember them all or because (if it’s a structured debate) you just ran out of time, then the other side claims victory.
Oddly enough, I’ve heard that this, in the arena of competitive debate, the system by which they award points and decide who has won actually encourages this behavior.